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Sunday, November 13, 2011

Criminal Cereals of the Past 10 & Classy Chicken

So we've done theme cereals based off waffles and theme cereals based off basic snack/junk food, what more could be left? How about this, theme cereals based off Ice Cream. Yes that's right kids, in their endless drive to find more and more new things that they could endlessly milk (which is funny because it's ice cream and milk, y'know.. Haha.. Okay.. Maybe not that funny, whatever.) the cereal companies of the world targeted one of the single most beloved comfort foods in the world, ice cream.. But not just any ice cream, no. We'll discuss what type of ice cream later in the article but for now, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

Ice Cream Cereals:
Of course the first cereal you have to mention is 'ole Ice Cream Jones' cereal, Ice Cream Cones Cereal (you see what they did there with the names.) which I've already written about in an earlier article and it was one of the rare few cereals to actually receive a resurrection long after it's original discontinuation. Short-lived but it was still a resurrection. Kind of sad really that it was in fact so short-lived because it would have been nice had this stuff actually stuck around, honestly I like the idea of an ice-cream cereal, it's a damn good idea and with so many other unhealthy options flooding the market, what's one more going to do? One more possibly sugar-related death when someones blood finally coagulates into a sugary mess of molasses and high fructose corn syrup? Big deal. There are seven billion people on the planet now, we can deal with a few sweet-tooth casualties. But Ice Cream Jones was not the first to bring us ice-cream cereal, releasing as late as 1987, they were decades behind their predecessors.

Releasing in 1965, Kellogg's Kream Krunch (god that's a bad name for 1965 - "Hey, kids! What do you want for breakfast? - How about some nutritious KKK!", no I'm not racist I'm just noting the unfortunate lettering.) was a cereal I've never had the pleasure of having but know because I've seen a box of it. Of course their mascot was predictably dressed as other ice-cream cereal mascots typically have been as a Soda Jerk because those are the people who sold you ice-cream back in the day in 'olde time shoppes', they were new time at the time but today they're old time and ponder that while you consider how you can go 'Back to the Future' since going to the future is moving forward instead of back and enjoy that little spout of blood that just erupted from your temple. As an amazingly interesting point of fact this cereal had actual astronaut ice-cream in it, so to say that it actually had freeze-dried ice cream pieces in the cereal itself, real fucking ice-cream that is SO cool. For it's time it was incredibly varied in flavour, three varieties existed including vanilla, orange and strawberry. Honestly I'd of liked the orange and strawberry myself but I suspect the vanilla would have been deceptively tasty. This stuff was only around for a single year mostly and unfortunately I suspect due to the difficulty in creating freeze-dried ice cream and the fact that I wouldn't expect it's the easiest or most fiscally rewarding thing to make.

But that wasn't it for the ice cream cereal, no. It wouldn't die, like a beast it reanimated it's freeze-dried remains and sauntered forward to be.. Well.. Freeze-dried again in 1968 and released as Nabisco Rice Cream Flakes, this is an interesting case because in this case I actually know for a fact that the cereal was discontinued due to Nabisco's inability to meet their freeze-dried ice cream needs (not to mention their supplier of freeze-dried ice cream was going out of business, one two double punch. Ow.) and so sadly it too went the way of it's predecessor. I really wish I could have tried this cereal because it sounds like an excellent idea - Like it's predecessor it came in multiple variates including vanilla, chocolate and strawberry (there's a fourth rumoured 'orange' that's never been backed with evidence for it's existence.) - But this isn't the best of the best, oh no. I've saved the best for the best for last.

I have no idea how I ended up with a box of these but these were launched in 1995 in the UK and some how living in the U.S. at the time, I ended up with several boxes throughout it's incredibly short life-span. This wasn't an ice cream cereal per say, this was better, this was epic and this was abso-fucking-lutely amazingly addictive - There are several things in this world I am a MASSIVE WHORE for food-wise, those things are chocolate, coconut, banana and lemon flavoured sweeties. This was a banana flavoured cereal and as I've mentioned, I'm a fucking whore for bananas. (Ha-Ha! Sounds so much dirtier than it was meant to) so this cereal was incredible for me. Not just ice cream but a MILKSHAKE cereal, this stuff was.. Oh god.. Orgasmic beyond belief, absolutely unbelievably inconceivable and capable of multiple paradoxes and redundancies while being so utterly perfect that the universe was still kept in balance in spite of it's existence.. Or maybe it wasn't.. Because this stuff did not last long, only around for a year in 1995 they disappeared without a trace soon after and it makes me cry because I'd kill everything you held dear, hell I might go after things I hold dear for another box of this. And I ate this shit with milk too, I ate the HELL out this shit with milk because it basically turned your milk into a BANANA GODDAMN MILKSHAKE, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - WHY has there never been another cereal like this? This is like the single greatest cereal EVER and I proclaim it the #1 cereal most deserving of a resurrection. Kellogg's, BRING BANANA BUBBLES BACK! There is no reason why these were discontinued!


As of the current day, I know of no cereals on the market that are actually ice cream themed or have ice cream in them, it makes me sad.. Because like I said, ice cream cereal is a pretty damn good idea and there are plenty of holes in the market obviously. If we've got a churro's cereal, why not ice cream? Someone bring one of these brands back from the dead! Preferably BANANA BUBBLES! DO IT NOW OR YOUR SOUL IS FORFEEEIT!!!!!!

Dinner:
And dinner tonight is Kurimusosu no niwatori (Chicken in Cream-Sauce) and was quite a successful dish with the exception of the Anpan which decided to explode once more mid-baking (Why that happens? When there's even the tiniest imperfection in the dough roll the insides will ooze their way through and create a hole, bursting fourth from the inside of the roll like so much puss.) - The actual main dish came out perfectly with a beautifully spiced and laid-out chicken breast adorned by little bits of chopped Nori (toasted seaweed), the noodles beneath the chicken was cooked to perfection and the ascetics of the main-dish just really worked and were quite pleasing to me. Again satsumaimomasshu (Sweet Potato Mash) was the side with a few Pumpkin SpiceMallows to accompany it - All in all, like I said. Rather successful. James ate it up pretty well, I'm not ecstatic over it but it's acceptable enough to share.


Second photograph brought to you by TheSecondAngleisPrettier©
 

6 comments:

  1. Good thing the little icecream man wasn't wearing white. ITSSOCUTETHO!!! :D

    Omg I've thought of that little problem with the movie title! (being a nerd for Back to the Future, it was inevitable)
    I just let it pass with the thought that they go both forwards and back in time soo... OH MY GOD I FIGURED IT-- false alarm... *pause* ...if they went to the future then back the forwards again it's make sense... LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!! D>

    OMFG I WANT CEREAL WITH FREEZE DRIED ICECREAM!!! D:

    Derp. RICEcream. Clevar~~ x3
    Yay! it had chocolate! :D

    -facepalm-
    ...
    Omg milkshake cereal? D: *grabbyhands*

    ...
    Fff-
    *so hungry that stomach is starting to hurt*
    -Wanders off to kitchen- >_>

    ReplyDelete
  2. And yet in spite of how AWESOME the potential for freeze-dried Ice Cream cereal or milkshake cereal is, we don't have one as of current. That sucks, how can that be? There's a goddamn Churros cereal and not an ice cream or milkshake? Someone needs to pick up the fucking slack and get their shit together.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BANANA BUBBLESSSSS NOM fucking NOM - why do they not make this anymore seems to me they take away all the best things

    ReplyDelete
  4. Right on, Anon! The freakin' bastards. I swear I've loved more things that have been done away with for seemingly no reason.. Their excuse is always 'lack-luster sales', I can't believe that about all the great products I've known!

    ReplyDelete
  5. haha random I actually searched banana bubbles to see if they still did them anywhere !!

    I came across this page used to love them when I was a kid for the short time we could get hold of it :(

    ReplyDelete
  6. gutted I actually searched Google to find out if they still did banana bubbles used to love them when I was younger. came across this page!

    shame they don't do them anymore really fancy some hahaha

    ReplyDelete

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